.... 6 months

Time past so fast that exactly today, we've walk down the road together for half a year.

Am glad that we are able to walk together till this far and am definitely looking forward to continue walking down together the remaining road.
Only if you allow me to do so...
Only if you want me to do so...

3 months ago, I'm thinking about confirmation today but today I think the confirmation is not today. However, soon the confirmation day will come and I hope before and after the day comes, it will not bring any effect between us.

Although just a half year journey, I really appreciates every single thing done and been through together......we opened up, we talked, we shared, we understand..... most important, we acknowledge and we accept.....

learn....

- a cooling morning to cool things off -

I've forgotten how does it feels like after so many years until almost 6 months ago, I slowly felt all the wonderful feelings again as day goes by.

I've been thinking all the way to work and I come to realize the mistakes I'm doing right now and the mistakes I will make soon.

Maybe it is true, maybe it is right.
I have think too far, I have think too much.
I should not do so, I should not.

Perhaps I'm too anxious and at the same time I'm too excited to look forward and move on which makes me tend to forget my 'ground' at times.

I realized now and I should learn to fully open up to accept & live with what I have now.
I should learn how to overcome my so many thoughts.
I should learn to live in reality....
Future is too abstract to live for, reality is what I should live and appreciate most. However, a plan is still a must in reality in order to move on to future.

self anger

So much want to be alone all by myself now, staying awake and cry throughout the night. After that, I shall forget everything by dawn.

Am so angry of myself.... Angry of what I've just did and done.

Why do I always have to make the same mistakes?
Why do I always have to make myself live in misery?
Why I just can't learn to be happier with what I have now?
Why am I making myself like that?

I really don't understand myself. Is it because I don't know exactly what I want? Or is it because .... is it because I think too much? Life shouldn't be so complicated but why am I making myself living so much complication? I am grateful with what I have now then why I am still in such way?

One side of me tell me to be this, another side of me tell me to be that. I am so fully aware of everything but why oh why I still keep doing the same mistakes again and again?

Maybe I'm a troubled girl. A girl who is bad and cannot be forgiven. A girl who don't deserves happiness from someone and anyone. Most of all, a girl who really think too much..... at times, I so much wanted to have my memories been washed away so that I could be a new person to start a new life....

09-09-09

I believe that people from around the globe find this date special.... 09 September '09. Myself find it special in a way too as it only happens once in our lifetime; 09-09-09.

However, someone told me that 09-09-09 is just another one of the special days in our life. I have do agree with this because every single seconds, minutes, hours & days in our life is special.

Special or not is depends on how a person sees it as every single thing is a creation.

feeling SWEET

What a good start for today. Wish it will be a good start throughout the week. It will be great if it can be for as long as it can be.

Feel so sweet to flash back the sweet memories together. The warmth and closeness makes me feel as if it just happened sometime..... yesterday.

As we flash back our memories, we tend to blush and chuckle of what we have gone through together; joy and laughter, sorrow and tears, moments and celebrations..... So much memories we have in such a period of time.

Really looking forward for more Sweet Memories to come. I believe we are able to make it come true and that we will make it come true.

Sweet Memories will remain fresh in our memories although many are yet to come.

Am missing someone and we will be able to make it through this.

indescribable...

The day almost ended yet I'm still feeling the same way. In such a way which I don't know exactly how to describe it. All I know is, I've been feeling such a way since I woke up this morning.

Mentioning about waking up this morning actually reminds me how restless am I last night. I went to bed well quite early compared to any other nights that I could remember but I just don't know why I keep on waking up for no reason... So restless. Just don't know why.

Back to today.... till now, all I could describe what I felt like today is.... a day with not much conversation; not much emotion; felt like keeping everything to myself; felt of wanting to be alone; just want to isolate myself out from everyone....

This doesn't mean that I am moody.... However, I still manage to get my works done today after 2 days called in sick.

I really couldn't find the right description to describe today-myself.

Maybe this is the actual me. I'm back to myself again.... Quite, empty, emotionless, keeping to myself, and pretend that I'm alright with everything.

is it common?

I do feel better than day 1. Good thing is fever gone but I still have to continue on medication.

Was hoping so much to feel painless but it seems that I have to rely on the pain killer in order to breath in easily without pain.

Doctor said it is common but I don't think so. I did nothing like what he said and this is the first time I feel such a way. So, I don't think it is common.

At the moment, I really have to rely on the medicine in order to breathe in without pain but for how long? When will I recover from it? How? Obviously pain killer is not a cure, by its name, it is just taking away the pain so that I can breath better.

Hmmm.... What is really wrong with me?

Felt the same fear again....

Fingers crossed, always~

feeling better

Just took medicine for once and plenty of rest, I am feeling better now.

Although I do still have some pain and breathing difficulties but definately not as bad as before. Nose air way cleared too and also felt temperature down too.

The doctor said the pain killer is to help me to reduce the pain while breathing but I hope it is not because I'm scared that the pain is back again once the medicine effect is over.

Shall keep my fingers crossed again~

Hate to take so much medicine at one time but this time I can actually feel the effect of the medicine kicks in real fast.

weak??

Had breathing difficulties yesterday. Felt so uneasy and scared till I don't dare to sleep. Have not been late to bed for quite sometime untill last night. Because, I have the feeling of fear that I will not open my eyes again.

I told myself to consult a doctor if my condition is not getting better when I wake up. Yes, it's not getting any better today.

Was feeling ok except breathing difficulties remained untill when I reach office, I felt a little bit cold. Thought it was normal since the usual morning temperature check at work shows only 35 degrees but I find it so unusually low me. But as I was preparing to clinic, I suddenly felt chilling cold and started shivering.

I went to consult for my breathing difficulties but in the end, more and more questions was asked by the doctor because the doctor found that temperature taken from forehead is over 38 degrees. He was suprised and double confirm by temperature my ear. Yes, I'm having high fever now.

Was given a few medication as a precaution too due to current situation on 'HiNi'.

Hope the medication helps to ease my breathing difficulties and prevent me from 'HiNi'.

Hope someone won't worry so much....
Am sorry~
Shall keep our fingers crossed~

keep tossing around

Woke up for times at wee hours, due to the heavy down pour. The first thing came in my mind was, "please stop raining". I quickly check what time it is and sigh in relieved when it was just 3 something in the morning; thinking the rain will stop by the time it is 6am.

I can't remember how many times I keep on waking up to check the time and listen if it is still raining outside. I keep on tossing around on my bed and keep wondering, hoping so much for the rain to stop soon. For the first time I keep on hoping for the rain to stop after my house was hit by flash flood years ago ...... why? ....... because ...... it will be inconvenient for someone to pack things into the car and it will be dangerous to drive in rain for a long journey.....

Was thankful the rain stopped before the someone starts journey.

Will be missing someone.....
Missing someone since the moment we bid goodbye~