lonely? disappointment?

I should have gone back home to usher New Year & celebrate mum's Birthday today rather than being alone here....

Been looking forward to be together with someone on New Year but never happened and maybe someone never thought about it.

Been looking forward to welcome Christmas together with someone but never happened because I knew someone has to concentrate on something & get it done..... felt so empty on Christmas....

Been looking forward to celebrate someone's 1st birthday together but never got the chance to do so.....because someone never thought about it.

Felt things changed when we were just friends and now..... sometimes felt friends get to be closer and joyful than anyone else.... does this mean should have just remained as friends? This happened now & in the past.... is it common??

Sometimes felt so left out.... felt been treated differently..... felt always been misunderstood......

Wanted to do things together but been being patient and not wanted to disturb or asking for something because I knew someone need to concentrate on getting things done but when there's time, it is always friends that come first......

Am I not belong to someone I belong to now??

Am I a mistake for someone??

Am I not good enough for someone??

Am I a burden to someone??

Am I asking too much from someone when it is just a simple one for once in a while??

Am I not worth for someone??

Am I a shame for someone??

Is it because of who am I?

Is it because of my past that I can't never ask or wish for?

Who am I now??